All’s NOT Fair in Love and War: 5 Ways to End the “Gender War” and Find the Love You Deserve

Gender What?

If one thing’s for certain, it’s that women hate men.

No, wait, men hate women.

Wait, no, men hate masculine women…?

Do men and women even like each other anymore?

What the heck is going on between the sexes and why is the so-called dating ‘Gender War’ even a topic of discussion? Why is there a Black gender war between black men and black women and is it why Black relationships fail?


If you find yourself asking any of these questions, then you’ve come to the right place. We’re going to briefly explore this war between men and women and by the end of this article, you’ll know how you can help close the growing divide between the men and women in your community.


There’s no escaping it – from Instagram feeds to Youtube comment sections, gender based slander and discrimination are all over the dating scene. We’re not exaggerating when we say you can visit almost any dating influencer’s TikTok page and observe hundreds of commenters who can’t seem to agree on anything regarding sex, gender and overall view on relationships.

We’re serious. Go look it up and come right back!


See, we told you!

If the topic is ‘dating,’ the conversation can get pretty intense and oftentimes, hostile. Arguments range from who’s supposed to pay the bills to who’s responsible for tending to the home and the children. Between men accusing women of being gold-diggers and women accusing men of being philanderous partners, the gender-based complaints just never seem to stop.

Why do “modern” audiences seem to be so triggered by the topic of “traditional” gender roles and specifically, why does gender play such an important role in the division of the sexes?

Let’s get into it.

A Quick History in Feminism

We know a history lesson isn’t exactly what you came here for but, trust us, it’s all connected!


Some would say that the ‘Gender War’ started back in July of 1848, when Elizabeth Cady Stanton drafted the Seneca Falls Declaration, initiating the first wave of the feminist movement. You see, at that time, a congression of women demanding rights such as land ownership, voting, and women’s protection, was unheard of in the male-dominated Western world. Some men took Stanton’s movement as a threat. They didn’t believe women were capable of ownership or responsibilities outside of the household, further feeding the narrative that women couldn’t be both providers and homemakers. (They should try dating a Black woman or women these days!)

Despite being part of the American Equal Rights Association, a group formed with Frederick Douglass and other activists in 1866, Stanton’s views were quite unfavorable. Her efforts were highly criticized by many men in her time, and more than 100 years after her death, Stanton’s movement continues to make political headlines.

‘Why?’, you might ask.

Well, let’s just say that Stanton’s idea of feminism wasn’t all that inclusive.


She was cited as using some really offensive racist language along the lines of, ‘We educated, virtuous White women, are more worthy of the vote.’ Stanton discussed how much less reliable Black men would be as voters than White women, implying that Black men simply wouldn’t carry the same American beliefs and values as White women.

So where did Black American women and women of color fit in during this first wave of feminism?

They didn’t.

Black matriarchs had been working long before Stanton’s demonstration of feminism. They never had to fight for the right to work. They were simply… forced.

While White women demanded rights to education, occupation, voting and land ownership, Black women were made to work in the houses and fields of those very same women.

In the early eighties, feminism underwent a radical transformation. Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw, a gender and critical race scholar now known as a social activist icon, coined the word, intersectionality, a term that describes how different forms of oppression intersect. This shed light on the social burden Black women, women of color, and LGBTQ+ persons carried in America and gave way to the new wave of modern feminism.

The Effect on the Black Family/Community

Okay, so we got our history lesson for the day. Now what? What do intersectionality and feminism have to do with Twitter rants, the war on men, or the war on women?


Just like the early suffrage movements of the 1800s, this contemporary form of feminism has received backlash from a lot of men and even women, especially when it comes to the Black community. Some argue that feminists have waged a war on masculinity and blame feminism for the destruction of the Black family structure, while others insist that a government rooted in systemic racism is responsible.

Those who oppose the female-centric movement claim that working women become too masculine and lack the qualities of a good wife including…you guessed it…


Whew. That’s a big one.

black-woman-taking-deep breath

We could go into each hot-button topic but today, we want to share what our community can do to end the gender conflict.

All You Need Is Love

‘Love thy neighbor’ is great in theory but not everyone can simply turn their cheek in response to conflict and, trust us, we know you try!

The best way to end the ‘Gender War’ is to…

1. Stop seeing it as a war


There is no ‘war’ between men and women. Let’s get into what the gender war really looks like. Time and time again, we’ve seen all genders and sexes come together to conquer poverty, poor education, civil rights issues, and so much more. No matter the sex or gender, people will come together in a time of need, and, folks, we are in a time of need. The Black community is in a time of need. The more we carry on with who-did-what-to-who-and-when, the more Black children grow up without fathers, access to healthcare, quality education, and their given right to the pursuit of happiness.

This ‘war’ is the personification of a lack of communication and empathy. If anything, it’s teaching us that we need to…

2. Listen

Take time to learn the other person’s perspective and truly listen to understand, not simply respond. Ask questions to encourage a healthy dialogue instead of provocative comments that are sure to trigger a response. Dating women requires a level of patience and so does dating men.

3. Don’t stereotype

How often does a conversation about who should pay for dinner turn into a heated debate about why Black women are single or why rich Black men dating outside of the race is harmful to the nuclear family? Too often. No one person is the same and neither gender nor race determines a level of morality. Allow everyone a chance to be an individual. Weaponizing stereotypes against the opposite gender doesn’t address the problems at hand.


4. Try to find common ground

Most Black men and women just want a long, happy and healthy life surrounded by the people and things they love. Heck, most people want that. Allow what we have in common to lead the conversation from gender divide to gender stability.

And when all else fails…

5. Use the power of love

The best way to build the Black community is through securing the Black family and it’s been proven that a healthy family’s foundation is rooted in love.

Look, we’re not saying that everything can be tackled with hugs and kisses but we do know that children raised in loving two-parent households have a better chance of achieving higher education, owning property and going on to build their own successful relationships. Thus, affecting the generations to come.

So, let’s start where we can actually make a difference: our dating.

CarpeDM works to foster loving relationships between like-minded singles- those who are also interested in elevating themselves and their communities through coupling.

We are dedicated to providing matchmaking services for Black professionals, with a members only dating community that guarantees quality partnerships to help build the Black family and repair the Black community.

It’s time to put an end to the Black gender war.

Now that you’re equipped with knowledge of the so-called ‘Gender War’ and the tools to end it, get out there and start dating!

Join the CarpeDM Community!

For too long, Black men and women have faced color discrimination both inside and outside of the dating world. The arrival of dating apps presented a new blueprint for how to meet singles but carried the same trends of gender and race discrimination and inexplicably, Black women have ended up at the bottom of the dating totem pole. These modern dating trends have also proved to be frustrating for Black men dating. Even the top dating sites for Black professionals weren’t quite hitting the mark.

If you are a Black woman professional, or someone looking to meet professional black singles at the hottest date spots in the DMV, we’ve got your back. CarpeDM is the best dating app for Black women and people like you who are seeking to date them. Our mission is to provide a real Black love app experience that fosters genuine connections.

Dating as a Black woman, we know you’ve asked yourself or a love interest, “would you date a Black girl?” at least once. We’ve been spoon-fed the idea that no one wants to date a Black woman. Well, that’s just untrue! Every suitor in the CarpeDM community is eager to black professionals dating like you!

We are set to be positioned as the best suitor dating app for those seeking to date Black women because we aren’t trying to help everyone find love, we’re focusing on you! Our love experts carefully vet every single profile and curate matches based on compatibility. Consider CarpeDM the personal matchmaker for Black professionals.

So, how does matchmaking work? Create your CarpeDM profile and once your application is approved, you will meet with a personal matchmaker who will learn about you and your dating needs and curate matches for you. Our community includes the most eligible singles in some of the best dating cities in the US. If you’ve been searching for matchmaking in Washington DC, or Black matchmaking services in the DMV, look no further!

Don’t be shy, apply today to meet someone amazing!

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