8 Tips for Getting Over a Breakup
Updated: Apr 20, 2019
Most articles on ways to get over a #breakup seem to tell you to just "move on girl". But there’s no magic potion to help you heal, and if there is I’d like a bottle shipped to my house immediately, lol! Getting over a breakup may be easier for some, especially if your situation is not as complicated as mine.
If you see how upbeat I present myself nowadays you'd have no idea that just five months ago I went through the hardest breakup of my life . So, how did I deal with my relationship coming to an end and what advice do I have for anyone going through a similar situation? First, let me set the scene.
So, this was in November; the worst time of the year to go through a break up. I mean, it was deep in the holiday season, and I should've been cuddled up in a warm blanket watching Netflix while my man is seamlessly trying to get some cookie (haha). But no, I was actually in my now one-sided bed, wrapped in blankets, and throwing pieces of my snot tissues on my nightstand - while crying through Applebee’s commercials, due to memories (#triggered). How did I get here?! One day I’m making plans to marry this man and purchase our first home together and the next, I'm having back-to-back anxiety attacks about how I didn't notice the signs. Life sure does come at you fast and it leaves you with two options; wallow in hurt or begin to heal.
I'm not gonna sit here and say "this one magical day I just was over him". Absolutely furthest from my truth. The first two months were the hardest months of my entire life. I didn't sleep the first few days, then when my body couldn't take it anymore, I would sleep for maybe two hours a night. I would barely eat anything at all, and if I did I was completely forcing myself. Coffee was my very best friend.
But I knew I had to pull myself together; I refused to let this breakup break me!
Here are 8 tips on how I managed to move forward after my breakup:
Allow yourself to let it all out: Cry as many times as you need to! Everyone's healing process won't look the same. Just because your friend only cried for one day and was under a new man by the weekend, doesn't mean that's the way you're gonna heal. Crying releases that hurt, holding it in is only going to cause more anxiety. So scream as loud as you need to! You won't be crying for long, remember emotional release is just a part of the journey.
Support: Support is honestly the most important factor #IMO. My best friend heard me on the phone screaming that very first night, wanting to go destroy things. She was also there everyday after, pushing and encouraging me. She would remind me of my worth every time I questioned myself. She also allowed me to get whatever I needed off my chest and then gave me options and supported whatever decision I wanted to make. I also had various other friends and family who checked on me daily. So, whether you lean on friends and family or turn to a professional for help, it's essential that you have a good #support system in place!
Reflection: I had to dig deep and reflect on myself and my choices leading up to the breakup. It wasn't to "point a finger" at myself, but to put my pride to the side and figure out why I allowed myself to stay as long as I did. This process won't be an easy one. But in order to not repeat the same pattern, you have to reflect on your actions. Remember, this isn't a moment to put yourself down and act like you are the one in the wrong. This is simply holding yourself accountable for not following your #intuition and to assure yourself that next time you will trust yourself just a bit more.
Get out and have some fun: I know, I know... having #fun feels like the last thing you want to do. But after you let out all those emotions, it’s time to let your hair down and get a much-needed cocktail (or three lol). I promise you, getting out the house will help you get your mind off things; if only for that moment. It’s better than watching the Notebook for the seventh time and stuffing your face with peanut butter cup ice-cream!
Date: When you're ready, get out and date! It's totally okay to grab a drink with a nice guy, have some good conversation, and enjoy yourself. I wouldn't recommend rushing into a new #situationship until you have fully healed. After all, you don’t want to project your negative feelings onto someone new. But just hanging out with a new beau is a great way to get your mind off things. And who doesn't like to get dressed up and receive compliments from a handsome man?! Hello, count me in!
Unfollow him on social media: Watching his page is either going to bring you sad memories, make you wanna run back into his arms, or piss you off! You don't need that type of energy in your life and we don't need you going to jail sis (lol). I know you may want him to see your "I'm over him" posts, so you don’t have to completely "block" him, but you should unfollow him. Meaning you can't see his page (which may take some discipline), BUT he can still see yours. Let him watch you #glowup from afar!
Find a hobby: Yes, it’s time for you to let your talents shine! That thing you've been wanting to try but have put off, start it TODAY! There’s nothing better than following your dream or indulging in a new passion to lift your spirits. Putting yourself first will help you start to move on. So ask yourself, what do YOU like to do? What makes YOU happy? Sometimes while in a relationship, you put your needs on the back burner to please your partner. It's now your time; put the spotlight back on YOU!
Let time work its magic: Each week after my breakup things did become easier, I will say that. So, keep in mind, nothing is permanent, and emotions come and go. You won't be hurt forever, or even for long. Just allow yourself the time you need and keep pushing forward. Keep good, positive, and supportive people around you. You have survived everything thus far and you will survive this as well. Don't forget sis, it's his loss!
Tiara Adair, the creator of "Talk with T", is a podcast host and lifestyle blogger from the DMV. Tiara is committed to pouring examples of Self love + Self care into the next #Queen.
IG Business: @_talkwithT_
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