It’s officially here! Hot girl summer is upon us and we’re setting our dating goal for the season. What’s the official dating goal of the season, you ask? It’s simple. We’re saying no to swiping to focus on intentional dating.
While swiping left and right on profiles of potential dating prospects has become the most convenient way to interact in pursuit of a romantic relationship or a meaningful connection, swipe culture has caused the number of inauthentic connections to skyrocket. We’re here to put a stop to the madness (and addiction) to swiping.
When the lockdowns began in 2020, singles struggled with dating due to physical and emotional barriers – they couldn’t figure out how to fall in love in a pandemic. Soon after, technology came to the rescue, and we saw an accelerated adoption of dating apps and online services that aim to help singles find love. But even with all the new bells and whistles of online dating, we’re all still wondering – why is online dating so hard?
How do we make online dating easier? Slow date. Date by taking your time to get to know yourself and your potential partner.
Slow dating is exactly what it sounds like – taking things one step at a time without rushing to date for the sake of being in a relationship. Slow dating involves actually taking time to know a person, building a meaningful connection, and establishing emotional intimacy. Slowing things down allows you to be more selective with who you spend time with emotionally, mentally, and physically. Unlike the swipe culture (i.e., hook-up culture) that we’re all so tired of, slow dating places an emphasis on the more essential yet often forgotten aspect of dating – a genuine connection. Wouldn’t you like to go on enjoyable dates and form genuine bonds based on trust and romantic connections? If so, we encourage you to try slow dating and a quality over quantity approach to finding love.
Why are we moving away from swipe culture?
The psychological effects of being single too long have been thoroughly documented throughout the pandemic in papers and publications across the globe. The adverse effects of being single have contributed to the rise of swipe culture, and the fast-paced and irresponsible nature of it all is causing the dating process to deteriorate in so many ways. The fear of being single forever and the fact that some people even see being single as a disability or weakness illustrate how dating has changed – for the worse.
Don’t worry, it’s not all doom and gloom. Changing your approach to online dating can help you get everything you’ve ever wanted. People are dating and building meaningful connections, marriages, and families. Love is and will always be a part of our lives. But you’ve gotta do it right! So, if you’re looking for love then it’s more important than ever to prioritize slow dating, take steps to heal yourself, and move away from swipe-apps towards apps and services designed to help you meet compatible partners! At CarpeDM, the dating app for professionals, we want to show you that you can be a different person after the pandemic – a person who enjoys dating!
Let’s explore the impact of swipe culture on the current dating scene, how intentional dating effectively helps with moving from dating to relationship, and the advantages of taking it slow, allowing you to develop a normal dating timeline and a dating journey that you can actually enjoy.
Reason #1 Swiping Reduces Your Chances of Finding the One
Is meaningless swiping stopping you from finding the right partner? It sure is. Just like multitasking, swiping reduces your efficiency and performance because when you try to do more than one thing at a time, your brain lacks the ability to perform either thing successfully. Research also shows that in addition to slowing you down, multitasking lowers your IQ. Sorry overachievers, but you need to slow things down! Slow things down to where it doesn’t take you days at a time to respond to a text.
Our recommendation here is simple: focus. Focus on the person in front of you instead of meaningless swiping before, during, and after your date to succeed in deep, meaningful dating. At CarpeDM, the best dating app for black women, we’ve ditched swiping. Our members are served high quality matches. That means we only send you a match when they’re worth meeting. Meaningless, superficial swiping without even reading through a person’s profile will quickly set you on a path towards getting sick and overwhelmed by online dating, because it’s near impossible to form a meaningful long-term relationship.
So, take your time and read through a profile, examine their pictures and videos, see all the things you have in common. Most importantly, start a conversation. And if you and your match make it to an IRL date, put your phone away and enjoy the person sitting across from you. And while it’s fine to date multiple people at the same time during the early stages, limit your attention to three people. This allows you to stay focused with your time, money, and energy but not place all your bets on one person.
Not so fun fact: Being single for too long is dangerous as there is a significant increase in the number of people becoming depressed over being single. Since we care about your wellbeing, we never want you to rush into any relationship that isn’t worth your time and energy. Instead, our team is focused on teaching you how to take things slow without losing interest and how long you should talk to someone before dating them. Check out How to Succeed in Your Matchmaking Journey – With Expert Matchmaker Brooke Fitzpatrick.
Reason #2 There’s No Time Better than Summer to Find Love
What have you learned about yourself during the pandemic? If we’ve learned one thing, it’s that life is unpredictable and you have to seize the date! Remember when the first COVID-19 lockdown was only supposed to last for two weeks? Why wait to find your perfect mate? Summer is the perfect season to find what you’ve been looking for. More people are out, there’s less pressure to move fast, and also – rooftop dates!
NOW is the perfect time to slow date! When is there a better time to go out and get to know all the fun, like-minded singles than during summer days? Summer is not the time to be single, sad, and lonely. The comforting breeze, cute outfits, delicious drinks and food, beautiful views, and romantic farewell kisses after a successful first date (just picture it!) – create a perfect opportunity to make an unforgettable connection.
Reason #3 Slow Dating is Smart and Safe
So you want to find love, but safety should be a top priority when dating online. What has the pandemic taught you? For many of us, it was a wake-up call to put safety first. While we cared about safety before the pandemic, there are clear differences between dating then and now. Our perception of security and the priorities we’ve learned show how our perspectives on the pandemic have transformed how we interact with others and the risks we’re willing to take.
Slow dating apps have indeed allowed us to be more mindful as they emphasize the importance of taking it slow in a relationship. We understand that online dating is exhausting; however, the disadvantages of being single may never justify reckless behavior that could put your life and integrity at risk.
We’ve been in this business for a while, and we’ve heard it all, from a “Tinder Swindler,” who conned several women he met on Tinder and scammed them out of millions of dollars, to serial killers leveraging dating apps to lure their victims. The “Shopping Cart Killer” is the perfect example of a dangerous match who used dating apps to meet women and terrorize the Washington, DC area.
In the face of such dangers and horrendous outcomes, many of us have started to wonder am I better off being single? And while there are pros and cons of being single, staying single out of fear is not a healthy approach to life. That’s why at CarpeDM, the best black dating site, we have 100% verified community members. We run background checks on all members and require matches to video chat.
Reason #4 Slow Dating Is Hella Romantic
Intimacy is romantic and the only way to get intimate is by really getting to know your matches on a deeper than surface level. Before embarking on a date with your match, it’s your responsibility to make sure this person is who they say they are, and once you feel comfortable, it’s time to ask some key (and intimate) questions to ensure that your relationship desires are aligned.
Remember that you can be single but not alone. We’re social beings, and we want to share our experiences with other humans. We desire emotional intimacy in a way that only a romantic relationship can fulfill. Intimate questions require vulnerability, and singles are averse to being vulnerable these days! We get it, you’re jaded and reluctant to share your heart. But that’s why dating slowly is the way to go. Taking things slow, getting to know someone genuinely, and reaching a mutual level of understanding is surely better than express dating. It’s also the foundation to building a safe and health relationship. But please note, there’s a difference between slow dating and avoidant dating so make sure you can spot the difference.
Alright, let’s get to the good stuff. What are some intimate questions you can ask to get romantic and learn more about your match? Do a quick Google search and you’ll find plenty of options. But our recommendation? Check out the viral 36 Questions That Lead to Love that were designed to explore the social psychology of relationships and create closeness. “Psychological intimacy is a prerequisite for passion. [The questions] allow people to understand that we’re all human, and that is so connecting.” Responses to questions like “When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?” “For what in your life do you feel most grateful?” can reveal whether there’s real compatibility and chemistry between you and your potential partner. And they’re a lot more fun to answer than ”How many siblings do you have?” Tactfully asking more intimate questions also helps ensure you’re on the same page and that you cover all the things you should know about someone before dating them.
We also recommend checking out our Black Women Deserve series on how to date better and attract the perfect mate from CarpeDM matchmaker and dating expert Erin F. Darden. She’ll teach you what questions you should ask on your first date to get a real sense of who your match is, their intentions, and how to go from talking to dating.
Reason #5 Because the Experts Say It’s Good for You!
Have we given you enough reasons to try slow dating? While safety and practicality can seem like the most important reasons, making sure that you don’t waste your time, spare yourself the heartbreak, and prioritize quality over quantity are just as important (protect your hearts, y’all!). Relationship experts have been recommending slow dating for years because it forces people to date more mindfully and focus on the quality (and not quantity) of relationships. But you already know this, and maybe you just needed to hear it one more time to slow things down and date with intention!
For more information about slow dating and summer dating, join the best black dating app for professionals in the Washington,DC area by visiting CarpeDM. Not in the DC area? Tell us where you’re located and we’ll let you know when it’s time to become a member in your city!